The Nature of Water

It is said there are three turnings of the wheel of Dharma. The first turn is the Four Noble Truth's. The Second, the teachings on Emptiness. The third is on Buddha Nature. This last truth is my focus for this post.

The nature of the mind is enlightenment. This is like saying the nature of water is clarity. This is an important point for beginners and the experienced. It is important because it sets the tone in our practice. If we bring a mind to the cushion that is seeking something this mind will look for an object from which to find its enlightenment. In essence, the mind is saying, "I am not enough." This may feel right because this is the collective conditioning we face. This voice, is not always a problem. Its the voice that says I need to mow the lawn or to go to work, but getting stuck identifying with this voice is when suffering arises.

I am drinking a cup of coffee this morning while writing. I love coffee. It is a zen practice of mine. I buy the coffee unroasted, green, and roast them myself. Then I brew it in a French Press. For hot water, I use a steel tea pot that I drilled a hole in the top for a thermometer. I heat the water from 198 degrees- 202 degrees, depending on the coffee. I like to experiment. When I drink this coffee, what am I drinking? Its tastes like coffee. But really, I am drinking water mostly, and a little coffee. Maybe only 2% of it is coffee. What are some other ways of experimenting with this cup of coffee so that the cognisance of water is most prevalent? I could look at it. Looks like dirty water. I could touch it. Ouch! Feels like HOT water. I could smell it. Nope, smells like coffee. Mmmmm. I could pour some more into my cup.... sounds like water. What I really would like to do is taste the water instead of coffee. When dealing with coffee its easy. Just pour some water out of the tea pot. What about the mind? What about Buddha Nature? It's a little different with mind then coffee. We are the mind. A mind that thinks it's coffee. Which is only maybe 2% of the truth.


In this case, the ego is the coffee. So, how do we realize we are the water? First it is necessary to believe in our Buddha Nature, but not blindly. Simply use this belief to notice the grasping of objects, which comes from the ego perspective. Then let go of grasping that object. If you can really let go there will be some sort of confusion. This is a good sign. I have had fear come up at this point. If you work diligently, eventually you will be thrown into body consciousness. This is where you can truly see that you are the water. We need to feel the objects resonate within ourselves.

The nature of water is clarity. The nature of mind is enlightenment. Isn't this beautiful!

No Buddha, No Enlightenment

I was visiting with the Abbot of Tam Bao Buddhist Temple, Thich Duc Tri, here in Tulsa a few years ago. I asked him, "Are you enlightened?" "No Buddha, No Enlightenment", he said. I smiled and just sat there in silence with him a few minutes. His English wasn't very well at the time, but I heard him loud and clear. Zen says all sentient beings have Buddha Nature, an Awakened Nature. Was he contradicting this theory?

I have heard the saying,"If along your path you shall meet the Buddha, kill him!" Though some may take offence to this, it is a profound statement. Putting the Buddha on a pedestal and naming him as this holy object only increases the distance from us seeing our own enlightened nature. The ego wants to understand the Buddha and enlightenment, but this requires us to be separate from it in order to do so. While going through a Big Mind dialogue with my teacher Sensei Al Fusho Rapaport, I was asked to give Big Mind a voice. "I don't know how to speak from Big Mind", I finally said after struggling. "OK, lets stop here. During this retreat I want this to be your koan", he said. After about a day I realized I was trying to see Big Mind while maintaining my ego perspective. Letting go of the ego, is being Big Mind. I was so used to seeing everything through the ego that I had no other option. I was fully identified with the ego.

Controlling our meditation is a way for the ego to understand what is going on. Being aware of controlling is a way for us to know that we are identified with the ego. I hear many say, "I can't get my mind to be quiet. Too many thoughts are going through my mind." "So what is the mind?", I may say. Really what I am asking is, what is the relationship with the mind? Our thinking may slow down while doing zazen, but this is not what we are trying to do. Being aware of our thinking is enough.

Naming is another way for the ego to maintain its object/subject dichotomy. Bringing an all inclusive perspective to the zafu means letting go of naming objects. This means getting down to the bare bones of what mind is. Just experiment with how the name arises instantly, and you'll find a way of letting go of naming. We really need to feel the mind, be the mind. this requires us to be completely honest and accepting with what ever we feel.

There is no Buddha for the ego to understand. There is no ego enlightenment. So if you meet the Buddha, kill him. That is, kill the difference.

Finding freedom in my own skin

Zen talks about liberation, freedom from suffering, nirvana. This all sounds great, but is it true? If nirvana does exist, then where is it? It seems that all religions talk about something of the nature. Some believe it happens when we die, an after life, while others say it takes life times to achieve. They all talk about some sort of opposing hell as well. I sure have no idea what will happen when I die, let alone if I had another life before this one. I have not come to Zen for the use of a belief system, but to learn how to live, to have a healthy marriage, family, friends, to relate to co-workers, and strangers.


When I first embarked on my spiritual journey at the age of 24, I saw that I was the root of my own reality. I had recently been discharged from the Marines, went through a tech school, and was newly married. Also, I might add, I am a musician and was trying to form a band. Suddenly I found myself truly unhappy, nothing was going right for me. Of course I blamed my wife, bless her heart. I don't know why she put up with me. I also blamed band members, and who ever else. Suddenly I found an interest in religion, and was talking to everyone I knew about it. Some of my co-workers introduced me to Christianity. I must say Jesus is a cool cat. I was really into him, and I became baptized. This baptism was a huge turning point for me. I whole heatedly devoted my life to following the teachings of Jesus. But when I went to bible studies, I realized the church had a different interest in him. Intellectually, I didn't quite know what I was looking for, but I sure felt it. I started searching for a church, and dragging my poor wife along with me. I would go from church to church, looking for what exactly? I don't know. Eventually I left Christianity all together, but the interest I had in Christ was still upon me. Every time I came across a book store, I went inside scanning all the books in the religious section. I found this one book, The Second Coming of Christ, The Resurrection of Christ within you, by Yogananda. A commentary on the four gospels. This book offered a new perspective on the teachings of Jesus. This new perspective spun me in a direction to cultivating a practice of meditation, and eventually Zen. This practice of Zen is what has showed me the ground of which I walk on. It's the only thing that put me in check, got me away from the books, and onto the cushion. This is exactly what I was looking for.

If we let go of all ideas of heaven and hell, or any idea about self and others for that matter, what do we have left? Our flesh and bones, and here is the only place to find it. Freedom is found in every waking moment or forever lost. Any time we adopt some idea of gain or loss, we abandon our true self, and fill ourselves with doubt. It takes practice to see the subtle ways in which we have doubt, but not too much practice. We can get caught up thinking we have something to achieve, therefore think we need to practice for decades to find some great liberation, which requires miles of travel to see. "Enlightenment is just over the horizon, keep going and one day you'll find it, one day you'll earn it"...... NOT! After talking with people about their practice, and reflecting on my own, I have come to a conclusion. It is very easy to use this practice to cultivate self doubt.

The practice of sitting with Koans is very effective in getting rid of self doubt. This is because the answers are found in the present moment, where doubt has no existence. Recently I was working on the koan, "What is the sound of one hand?". "I had to rid myself of doubt", I said to my teacher after answering. "That is what it is always about in one way or another", he said. I worked on the koan, "What is Mu?", for six months. The answer was obvious, but the self doubt I had casted a shadow over it. This is what I had to work through. The practice of Zen is not always peaches and cream, but these barriers must be broken through in order for development to take place. There have also been times when I couldn't answer a koan, because the answer, which was staring at me in the face, was not good enough. I would complicate it, and make it harder on myself. How many times do we do this in our day to day lives?


I was at a coffee shop the other day. One of the Barista's had a cool sleeve tattoo of a very skinny man, meditating. "Who is that man in your tattoo?", I asked. "It is Siddhartha, Buddha", she said. "Oh", I said. "Most people think of Buddha as a fat man", she said. "So what does Buddha look like?", I asked. "Well there was a time when he was skinny, like in my tattoo, but then he became healthier", she said. "Or you could just look in the mirror and tell me what Buddha looks like", I said. She looked at me as if I said something rude. Maybe one day she will see that she truly is a Buddha. I hope this is not the direction in which Buddhism is heading, where we fantasize about the story and never allow it manifest within ourselves. I looked for "Enlightenment", for some time in my practice. It's funny, I kept looking for something, but had no clue as to what it was. I was sure I didn't have it, and I was sure I was not a Buddha. Eventually I learned it is the doubt that needs to be let go of.

To realize our Buddhahood, we need to look in the very flesh and bones we live in everyday. Finding freedom in our own skin is what this practice is about. Giving ourselves the space to breath. Opening up to the ebb and flow that everyday has to offer. How else can we be free from suffering?

Profound Negativity

The nervous system gathers and process information, for the sole purpose of surviving and multiplying. In doing so the brain devotes more energy towards the awareness of what is negative, due to the fact that, what is negative is essentially a threat. "If I miss the appreciation of this flower, at least I'll be alive for the next one. But if I miss my enemy, it could be fatal. In order for me to create a safe environment, I would have to eliminate and defeat all negative aspects." If we look at nature we can see this truth. A wild animal, when seeing you, does not come up to you and just hang out. It is not compassionate towards you. Even in areas where wild animals are fed by people. These animals are constantly devoting energy in being aware of threats. In a spiritual practice, how does his play out? If we take a look at our human negativity, compared to an animal's, we could definitely see that humans don't just respond to negativity, but seek to eliminate it. We even socialize this obsession, by creating systems of within our communities. The police force, the military, journalism, etc. In fact from my experience, being in the U.S. Marines, the training is all about refining negativity. While I was enlisted in the Marines, we would have inspections, after inspections, after inspections. All to focus, and eliminate the negative. Yes, we need these systems. My point is at the obsessions within these systems, that turn them corrupt.

My question is, why are we so obsessed with the elimination of what's negative? From my view point, suffering doesn't arise from the negative, but from the obsession with it, or the disassociation with it. We think, for some reason, that this negative energy is not being created be us. We blame others for what we see. I think its perfectly fine to be negative. When I can see that it is me creating this negative energy, then I can use it in a healthy way. But if I am in denial, then a shadow covers my negativity and gets out of control, or turns on the auto pilot.
I am a negative person, and I don't care what anyone thinks about it. You are too, and I don't care what I think about it either!

When we embark on a spiritual path it can be dangerous, in that we can turn our dogma into a military, that declares war on ourselves and others. I see this in all religions. When we arm our egos with these dualistic beliefs, they cover our minds with a shadow. We hardly awaken, but fall into a deeper sleep. In this day and age, with all the multimedia, the rate in which we take it in, our experience simulates a World War III. We don't recognize that it is our religion that is aiding us in this delusion, because when we visit these institutions, we take in less information by the aid of practices, such as meditation and prayer. So this gives us a deeper trust in the institution, then they go and screw it all up by casting shadows with there dogma.

Ideologies will not aid us in Awakening. What we need is more practice. The practice can help balance out our experiences. We also need to turn the light on in our own minds, and embrace the fullness of what we are. Seeing our negativity, and learning to respond to it in a healthy way, to me, is part of the awakening process.

Bringing the child out of the closet

In some philosophies there is a line drawn, in relation to the ego. Some suggest the ego is at fault. So from that point on, it's war. But what is at war? The ego becomes at war with itself. This is the problem with a conceptual based practice. A practice of ideas. Which is based on the belief that we don't know the truth. Ultimately, we can not get rid of our problems with some sort of dogma.

Our conditioning runs deep into our subconscious. It is very present in our day to day lives, though we may not always be aware of it. Most of the time we only experience the tip of the ice burg. In each one of us, there is a wounded ego. Out of this wounded ego, we have created a method of survival. A method to cope with our environment. Then we find ourselves as an adult, having habitual tendencies that we don't understand. For me it is as if I took a crying child, put him in a closet and told him to shut up, and forgot about him. I am still in the in the closet. My practice of Zazen has helped me to remember this.


While sitting we have the opportunity to look deeply into our suffering, and see its roots. This takes a certain type of attention. It requires us to be completely honest and accepting to the things that arise in our practice. If we have some sort of idea of what we are going for, or have a very narrow concentration on an object, we will never break the surface. Never see the root of our conditioning. We must have the courage to allow our suffering to flare up to it's full potential, and watch it from a sort of parental point of view. We need to love that child, and allow it to express it's self. We need to give that child the support that it needs. Sometimes I dialogue with the pain that arises. I ask it, "whats going on here?" It doesn't always answer right away, but if I stay present with it, eventually it will answer. At that point I can begin healing that child. This is not always easy. To move into pain, seems unnatural to us. But if we get underneath the pain, we'll find what is actually going on. Usually, from my experience at least, there is an under lying emotion. One that we are not always aware of. When that emotion is discovered, it can trigger a memory. Then we can work with that memory intelligently. Instead of running from it.


Sometimes we may come to a religion, or a spiritual practice, in order to give the ego what it wants. But what the ego wants is not the problem. We need to bring that child out of the closet, and heal it. The ego will follow.

The sent of Samadhi

"Suppose, friends, a cloth has become soiled and stained, and its owners give it to the laundryman. The laundryman would scour it evenly with cleaning salt, lye, or cow dung, and rinse it in clean water. Even though that cloth would become pure and clean, it would still retain a residual smell of cleaning salt, lye, or cow dung that had not yet vanished. The laundryman would then give it back to the owners. The owners would put it in a sweet-scented chest, and the residual smell of cleaning salt, lye, or cow dung that had not yet vanished would vanish."

Samyutta Nikaya 22:89 Removing the residual conceit "I am"

In the Buddha's Words - Bhikkhu Bodhi pg 405



The three contemplations are Impermanence, Suffering, and Non-Self. Which is being referred to above as the cleansers. Which also become taints. Though they are better than a soiled rag, eventually they must be dropped. The ideas, or sense of self behind the insights that is. But it is not a process that can be skipped either. Seeing the process of an object arising in the mind, discovering the suffering, and the tension wrapped around it. Dropping the resistance/clinging of an object. Allowing it to pass through the mind freely. This all must be done. But according to the Buddha, is not the final destination .


"The owners would put it in a sweet-scented chest, and the residual smell.........would vanish."
What is he pointing at here? Is it not enough to let go of suffering, of ego? At this point of realization there is still a tiny amount of ego here, because there is a sense of "I" in relation to the process. The True Self hasn't been completely seen yet. Where is it? What is it, maybe the better question? Of course it is you, but what is that? This is the purpose of the process. To get to a point to where their ego diminishes, and True Self shines through. The sweet-scented chest is the scent of Samadhi. Samadhi is resting in true self, or as I like to say Raw Mind. It is important to know,"that is me." If its not looked at this way, than that means there is clinging/resistance towards it. Then the scent will vanish, and ego will be dominant.

To me, the phrase "Conceit, I am" is very interesting. When this is how we feel, doubt is dominant. The need to uphold an image of self, is purely built on doubt. Because we're also upholding an image of what we are not, or what we don't want to be, simultaneously. This is how we can recognize the ego. Constant comparison of self, and other. We can also see it in the body. Mental clinging/resistance will always manifest as tension in the body. This is why zazen is said to be a body practice. And why the Buddha said to relax the body during zazen. In Soto Zen it is said that perfect posture is perfect enlightenment. From this perspective we can understand why. When one is not in the body it is impossible to have perfect posture. With that being said. Where, and what is Raw Mind? Maybe you should be hit with a staff!

Only the scent of samadhi will liberate us. The removal of conceit. The removal of doubt.

Under the bodhi tree

Buddha sat under a tree when he awoke. The story says he made a decision that day. He decided not to allow anything to detour his quest for truth. He said he wouldn't move for anything. The story says he endured many temptations. He decided to face his suffering. After all, how could he find a way to alleviate it, if he wasn't able to see it. No matter how big and frieghtning it became. And it was huge! It was real, and it wasn't giving up so easily.

When we sit, it's no different. You see, that story isn't just there as some fairy tale. For us to see and say, "Oh, how nice for him." It's there to tell us, this is what we need to do. Every time we sit on that cushion, we have the opurtunity to be the Buddha under the bodhi tree. And we won't have any real awakening until we do, face our suffering. If awakening, is what we are after. This is the proposition. Is this what we want? Do we want to take responsibility? Of course it can seem easier to just take up some sort of dogma. To shift the responsibilty to someone else, or some institution. But that comes with a big price. I am not saying we don't need forgivness. We absolutely need it. How else can we face our suffering? But we need to know what we are forgiving. The spiritual path is not embarked on by fearsome beings. Are you brave?

So if at all possible we can be greatful when our sittng becomes difficult. Because we are not hiding anymore. We are awake!