On the edge of sanity

There is a rapturous quality that arises after sitting for a while. It can be quite intoxicating when the resistance of the refined mind is no longer present. The sound of a bird, the smell of an in scent. The stillness of the body, the space. The tick tock of the clock. The sense of being an emotion, rather than having one. The temperature of the room.

I have become interested in perspective. How we can define what is normal, from our point of view, from how we are used to feeling. And then become comfortable. How we can be used to suffering. See it as normal. Of course until it reaches a climax. I wonder, what is worst? To have suffered deeply, for a period. Or to suffer moderately for a life time. Of course no one wants to suffer deeply. But to go a life time without knowing your true, liberated mind. When it's always at your right hand. Because it's normal! What if, what we considered to be normal is the rawness of our mind? What if we took a look at our mind and stripped away all the additives, all the barriers, all the tension and resistance. And defined that as sanity. Of course all our conditioning is different. From one culture to another, all have their own forms of insanity. All of them have their own ideas of what is normal. But instead of asking what is normal, ask what is raw, what is unborn?

From the normal perspective the raw mind is weak, vulnerable. Which is some what true, but it is the ego that becomes weak. That is, the barriers, and the resistance. What are we so afraid of anyway? Is there a monster out there, we don't want to be? Can we allow for space, for freedom of mind? Though you may not feel afraid, or doubtful. That's because the resistance is in disguise, it is seductive to the intellect. The intellect has fun, and becomes addicted. Becomes obsessive. I think there is a call for complete honesty here. Clean that mirror, and watch it without repression, without self oppression. You might find you see something completely different. Something so strong, and present. You'll find yourself, your sanity. This requires us to show up at everything we do. Our practice is to be extended into all things we do. Formal, and informal. Our real practice isn't meditation. It's doing. But its not always easy to clean that mirror. Its because we can't see the dirt. Well actually we see the dirt, its just been so long since we've seen the mirror. We've come to think of the dirt as the mirror. Thankfully we have teachers out there.

The raw mind is sane. Though from the normal perspective, it may be viewed as insane. But I don't' care about that anymore. I am tired of my suffering.