Bringing the child out of the closet

In some philosophies there is a line drawn, in relation to the ego. Some suggest the ego is at fault. So from that point on, it's war. But what is at war? The ego becomes at war with itself. This is the problem with a conceptual based practice. A practice of ideas. Which is based on the belief that we don't know the truth. Ultimately, we can not get rid of our problems with some sort of dogma.

Our conditioning runs deep into our subconscious. It is very present in our day to day lives, though we may not always be aware of it. Most of the time we only experience the tip of the ice burg. In each one of us, there is a wounded ego. Out of this wounded ego, we have created a method of survival. A method to cope with our environment. Then we find ourselves as an adult, having habitual tendencies that we don't understand. For me it is as if I took a crying child, put him in a closet and told him to shut up, and forgot about him. I am still in the in the closet. My practice of Zazen has helped me to remember this.


While sitting we have the opportunity to look deeply into our suffering, and see its roots. This takes a certain type of attention. It requires us to be completely honest and accepting to the things that arise in our practice. If we have some sort of idea of what we are going for, or have a very narrow concentration on an object, we will never break the surface. Never see the root of our conditioning. We must have the courage to allow our suffering to flare up to it's full potential, and watch it from a sort of parental point of view. We need to love that child, and allow it to express it's self. We need to give that child the support that it needs. Sometimes I dialogue with the pain that arises. I ask it, "whats going on here?" It doesn't always answer right away, but if I stay present with it, eventually it will answer. At that point I can begin healing that child. This is not always easy. To move into pain, seems unnatural to us. But if we get underneath the pain, we'll find what is actually going on. Usually, from my experience at least, there is an under lying emotion. One that we are not always aware of. When that emotion is discovered, it can trigger a memory. Then we can work with that memory intelligently. Instead of running from it.


Sometimes we may come to a religion, or a spiritual practice, in order to give the ego what it wants. But what the ego wants is not the problem. We need to bring that child out of the closet, and heal it. The ego will follow.